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Are you born confident or is it a characteristic that is cultivated?

Even if you allow for the possibility that one is born confident, we live in a competitive society that is shaped by the idea that it is acceptable to have another lose in order to win. Confidence needs to be nurtured and is a characteristic that one has control over cultivating.

The following definition comes from

con·fi·dence n.

1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.

2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.

3. a. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.

   b. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.

4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.

5. The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your ability to succeed.

When was the last time that someone invalidated you? Or, betrayed a confidence? Or, gossiped about you to undermine your credibility with another? Or, told you that you could not do a job because you did not have experience? Or, you discovered that you had misjudged a situation that caused an upset?

Situations like this can have a negative impact on one’s confidence. The effect could be minimal, but as situations such as the above happen again and again, it can chip away at one’s confidence until the day comes that one just isn’t as happy as they once were.

Have you ever wondered what happened that you aren’t as happy as you used to be?

Would it be relevant for you to learn how to identify a person that is going to undermine you, regardless of the fact they could be saying all the right words or representing they have good intentions?

We already know there are areas wherein we experience complete confidence in our ability. I imagine if one were completely confident it would only be relevant to ask if that person were able to change their mind in the face of new information, rather than being unwilling to observe a new possibility in the here and now. I have met people that appeared to be confident and in their confidence they were unwilling to look beyond what they already knew. Being able to change your mind is an asset.

Once I was in a coaching conversation with a successful and very kind business man, dressed in a beautiful suit and appearing confident.

After we chatted for a while about what he was doing in life, I asked him, “What do you want?”

As he told me what was important to him in life, he began to sob. I listened. It was not as if his life was a disaster at all, quite the contrary. However, what was missing in his life resulted in a lack of confidence and obvious suffering.

Such a simple question cut right through the social veneer to the heart of the matter of what was really important to him. It took confidence and courage for him to authentically reveal himself.

I am honored to help people who tell it like it is and honestly share what is close to their heart. It’s a thrill to help a person get from where they are to where they want to go.

When you look at this idea of being confident, how a person represents themselves to be and what is going on inside of them can be different.

Is confidence won by what money can buy? Look, I know that if you acquire the house or the car of your dreams, or a new suit or dress that makes you feel like a million bucks, that it is going to boost your confidence. No doubt about it. The acquisition of new possessions is fun. But, have you noticed that the feeling of excitement that comes with the acquisition of a new possession wears off?

It’s important that you own what you buy rather than what you buy owning you. There is nothing worse than a person being excited about purchasing a home, finding and purchasing their dream home, only to be weighed down by a mortgage payment that is too high and resulting in financial upset.

When I speak of confidence, I am looking at how you view yourself; from the point of view of asking you to be your biggest fan. And, when you go to bed at night, or when you are alone with yourself, or when your child is looking at you with those loving eyes that say, “You are the greatest person on earth”, do you feel confident or do you feel a sense of doubt or suffering?

Even a person that is usually confident and stable can have doubts in certain situations.

One of the biggest areas I have seen a lack of confidence in men and women is in the area of committed relationships. But that is only one example. What has been amazing about the people I have coached is that they have been willing to reveal their lack of confidence with what is not working and we fix it.

There is knowledge and tools that anyone can learn which can be utilized in any area of life for one to insure a stability in confidence.

With that said, you can pretty much count on that life will offer up challenges to test that idea. And, just because you have a bad moment does not mean that you lack confidence. Although, it could be valuable to inquire into what allowed for the bad moment, so you can do better next time.

You deserve to ask yourself, “Am I at cause over life, or am I at the effect of life?”

Anyone that is willing to learn and take relevant actions to better themselves can be at cause over life.

My purpose as a Life Coach is to help you build a bridge from where you are to where you want to go.

I invite you to ring me to receive a free analysis on how I may serve you.